Been in a relationship for a while and, as a man, you're not feeling that spark and that attraction.

Okay, the first question is: do you feel, do you still feel the spark and attraction inside yourself? A lot of men, in my opinion, make the mistake of looking to the woman to turn them on. That is a dependent state. That is, you're saying, "Well, if you do this or maybe you should change that, and then I'll feel turned on." In my opinion, that is not a good, healthy, sustainable way to go about it.

We turn ourselves on. What I'm doing in my own life—me going to the gym, me eating healthy, me deciding what I want to do—those are the things that activate and turn me on inside.

First question. Second question. Third question for a man is: am I doing that inside myself? That's the first thing to look at. It's very easy to point the finger at somebody else and say, "You're not, you're not doing something. You're not turning it on." Point the finger at yourself first. Ask yourself, are you doing those things? If you are doing those things and you're turned on and you're still not feeling like that chemistry with your partner, the second step is to step into a whole new level of honesty with your partner and get really clear with them.

It's important when you're doing this that you're not doing it from a critical place. You're not saying, "Oh, well, you're like this or that, or it used to be like this, and now it's not happening anymore. I understand what's going on. I'm doing everything on my end, and you're not doing anything on your end." That's not going to help anybody get into a place where there's some chemistry flowing.

What you need to do is make sure, again, everything's turned on on your end. Then present it with: "This is what I want. This is what I remember having with you, and I miss it. I want to have this again, and I want to have it with you."

It feels like the chemistry we're experiencing, it feels like the dynamics in the relationship that were there are not present anymore, and I miss it. "I want my girlfriend back. I want my hot relationship back." Then you put yourself out there, you share it first, and then you ask her: "Does that feel like that to you? How does it feel on your end?"

You invite her to also get honest with you about it, and you've got to be ready for whatever she might say. You have no idea what might be coming out of the field—things that you started doing that you weren't aware of. You might end up on a very wild ride in discovering why there's no more chemistry.

Let me just close by saying, in most situations, almost all the situations, the potential for chemistry is absolutely still there. It's just things went to sleep or something covered it up. You know, we drifted apart, and all of that is a passive process.

Our job as a man is to be active in the process, to reactivate these elements ourselves, and then invite our partner to come back into it. It's what we did in dating, and it's what we have to keep doing in a relationship.