Alright, if you're a man dating a woman and the woman tends to feel anxious, okay, first of all, congratulations. That means that that woman's energy is available; it's not very deep down. That woman's energy is out there, so congratulations. You are with a woman who has something to give, something to offer, and that should be celebrated. Appreciate that.

As far as how to help her feel secure in the relationship, well, there's two sides. One of it has to do with you and her in the relationship, and part of it has absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever because she has to find a certain element of security and self-assurance inside of herself. We can play a role in both of those.

So, speaking to the side of the relationship, she might need a little more reassurance, some more statements of affirmation. Just saying, "Hey, I'm really happy being with you. I feel really lucky being with you. I love that you have so much energy. Actually, I like the fact that you're kind of nervous. I'm gonna leave that because that tells me how much you like being with me, and that's a fun thing to have."

Another thing that you really need to do on this part of between you and her in the relationship to help her feel secure is you need to ask her, "What would make you feel more calm? What would make you feel more secure about our relationship? I know that I wanna be with you. I'm not looking around. I'm not on the edge of leaving. Please help me understand what I could do that would help you feel more secure about that. I can say it all day long, but is it a form of touch? Do you need… you know, what is it? Me leaving a note for you that you don't discover until three hours after I left your place?"

Invite her to tell you what would make her feel calm, and don't expect her to be able to articulate it perfectly the first time. Come back to it. Come back to it a week later. Come back to it, you know, two or three weeks later. Show her that you really are serious about making her feel reassured in the relationship. And remain open and say, "Hey, I wanna do a good job at this, so please help me. Inform me of the things I need to know in order to do a good job with this."

The last part is on her own and her finding her own sense of self-assuredness and calm and confidence and all that, so she's not feeling an unnecessary element of anxiety that's, you know, she just seems to come out of her on her own. That has to do with just encouraging her to find it for herself, on her own.

And it's very easy for us to criticize somebody and say, "Well, why are you always anxious? Why, you know, why are you acting this way?" That's just gonna cause it all to tighten up more, and the person's gonna spin out even more. You need to lift them. You need to hold them and go, "Look, I love being with you. You know, you're a beautiful young woman, and I want you to feel safe and secure on your own. I want you to find that even without me. I wanna provide it for you in this relationship, but I want you to have that for yourself too."

"What's the best way that I can support you in that? What are things that I can do that make you feel encouraged, that make you feel supported, that make you feel…" maybe inspired might be too strong of a word, but things that are going to tell her that you're behind her, you're her cheerleader in her developing herself.

Sometimes, when a relationship involves leaning on somebody else, it becomes what they talk about as a codependent type of relationship. Sometimes, we need to just encourage the person to be a beautiful individual on their own. That's also part of your job in being a good boyfriend, to encourage her to be a beautiful version of herself.