Well, first of all, good luck. That’s going to be really, really hard.

So, that’s going to come down to a couple of things. One is, they’re going to have to tell you what they need, and you can’t be picky and choosy about it.

If you violated their trust—and cheating on somebody is a big violation of trust, but even smaller levels of violating trust where you’re dishonest about something—when you’ve violated that trust, you have to ask the other person: What do I need to do to reestablish this trust?

Do you need the password to my phone and to be able to look at it whenever you want, wherever you want, and have full access to it? If you’re serious about mending a bridge with somebody, you will give that to them. You’re like, Look, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I have no more secrets from you. Here are the keys to whatever you need. You can check my email; you can check my text messages; you can see whatever you need to.

If you’re not willing to do that on your end and you were the one that violated trust, don’t expect them to trust you anymore. They won’t because you’re not giving them everything they need. That’s what I would say is the most important thing to understand in rebuilding that trust.

You need to be very open with them about inviting them to tell you what they need in order to reestablish that trust.

The last thing I’m going to say about that is, you know, if you cheated on somebody, there was a reason that you cheated on them, okay? You better share that, and you better be very, very real about the reason you did.

Was it that you were drunk and really, really stupid? Were you in the relationship for a while, and it got to a place where you felt trapped, and this other person made you feel alive? What was the reason behind it?

You need to share it because part of that transparency is telling the person: This is why I did it. I’m not saying it made it right. It was a mistake. I do not want to violate your trust at all, but this is where I was coming from when I did it.

That will actually provide a lot of healing and understanding on their end because they’re not playing a guessing game anymore about what went on.

So, you’ve got to put all the cards on the table. Lay all the cards face up so they can see them all, and then ask them: What else do you need from me?

And you can’t be picky and choosy about what you’re going to do, because if you’re going to be picky and choosy, the relationship’s pretty much over, and you might as well just move on.