So when it comes to feeling like you're chasing a woman, personally I don’t chase a woman. I will express my interest, but the truth is I’m doing other things with my life. And when I show up and I’m just spending time with her, and I’ve stopped everything else, I’m not seeing anybody else, my phone is off, I’m not working, all of that, and I’m giving her an hour or two or a whole evening of my time, that’s, you know, my undivided attention. That’s a lot for me.

And I think any man that is actually going somewhere with his life, his time is valuable, and his attention is, in itself, a gift. And if the woman that you’re going out on dates with doesn’t respect that, and you really are going somewhere with your life, just ask yourself, I mean, is this somebody that you wanna be with?

Because for me, somebody saying, “Oh well, you have to prove it” or whatever, I’m like, well, I have to prove what? That I’m gonna play this game with you? That I’m gonna chase after you? No.

Now, some women might say that you need to demonstrate that you’re serious about them, and I would say that’s a little different than chasing a woman. Because women need to know, okay, is this guy just looking to have fun, or is he actually looking for something serious? Women have lots of different ways to try to test out to see where a guy is with his intentions.

So it might be that she doesn’t want to move too fast in the relationship, and that’s fine, but that’s not the same as making a guy chase you. That’s like asking for attention. If what a woman wants to see is that you’re actually sincere in what you’re looking for, and what you’re looking for is a more established kind of relationship and not something casual with her, that’s a good trait, I think, in a woman. Because that shows that she’s really valuing herself, and she’s holding out for somebody that’s going to give her the things that she wants.

And I think when you’re doing that, it’s important to, yes, have the patience and have the discipline to be able to control yourself, to be able to invest and work towards what it is that you want. But there’s a dance that goes on—she has to also give a certain amount of encouragement and confirmation that she is interested in you also. And that she’s not just doing this with lots of other men because she enjoys the attention. But no, she’s actually exploring it with you, and you need to feel like it’s going somewhere.

And ultimately, we can’t know what’s going on in a woman’s mind. We can’t know if she’s playing games or not. So you gotta listen to your heart, and you’re like, well, okay, you know, this feels a little bit like it’s just a game. It does. I want to move forward, and she’s not. And when you get to that place, be open and direct with her and say, “Look, this is where I am. We’ve been on, you know, we’ve been on five dates, we’ve been on 10 dates, whatever feels appropriate to you.” And you say, “Look, this is where I am. I’m legitimately, I’m genuinely interested in you. I’d like for this to go somewhere, and I’m wondering if it is. So how are you feeling about this?”

And it’s really important as a guy to put yourself out there first, be the one to be vulnerable first. You’re just saying what it is, and that makes her feel safe. And then the way she responds—does she say, “Yeah, no, I like you too. I wanna see where this goes. I just don’t move that fast”? Okay, well then you go through that.

If she’s not meeting you in that place, well, you’re probably gonna feel that your investment isn’t going somewhere, and you have to just ask yourself, is this a woman that I really want to pursue? That I wanna put my precious time and energy into?

That’s the question at the end of the day— is she giving you what you’re looking for in return for what you’re offering her?