How do I manage expectations from women?
Run time: 02:23
January 27, 2025
Women have this laundry list, this checklist, of all the things that they want in a guy, and it seems unattainable. I have to be six feet tall. I have to be making $300,000 minimum per year in order for her to be interested, and really she wants me making a million dollars a year. These are unrealistic expectations that people are setting. It's just if we all did that, then we would just all set the bar higher. So they're just not realistic expectations.
The problem though, as a guy is, if you're getting distracted by women having these lists, you've given up your own internal identity, and you've accepted their identity—that's a checklist. If you're more occupied with someone else's checklist than you are with your own internal checklist, that's a huge red flag. You need to develop your own internal checklist, and it needs to be based in reality.
But when it's based in reality, and you start stepping forward, you get in shape, you get your finances going, you get your career on path, you've got good friends, you're able to approach women and just anybody in public because you have that natural confidence. When you start to do that, you're writing your own checklist inside for the qualities that really matter to you.
The qualities that other people have will just become a lot quieter. You won't care about them as much because you're busy actually building your own checklist of what's important to you. And I can tell you, when it comes to an in-person interaction, when you're a guy that shows up hoping you've checked off this woman's list that maybe she hasn't even shared with you, but you just assume she has it because she's attractive, you're showing up in a very insecure place. You're asking her whether or not you're living up to what she wants.
Live up to what you want. Stop trying to be this dream man, this man of her dreams. Start trying to be the man of your own dreams. When you show up and you're meeting a woman, and you show up that way, she might even forget about this list that she had in her mind because she's now meeting with a real flesh-and-blood man who's actually doing things.
And that will, on an instinctive level, connect with her differently than these thoughts and everything that she has about what a guy has to have. So yeah, don't be intimidated by all the lists that women have. Listen to them. They've got little grains of truth in them, but find your own list, bring that to the table. The more that develops, the bigger that gets, the more that voice develops inside of you, the smaller all those other voices are gonna get, and you just won't have to worry about it.
The problem though, as a guy is, if you're getting distracted by women having these lists, you've given up your own internal identity, and you've accepted their identity—that's a checklist. If you're more occupied with someone else's checklist than you are with your own internal checklist, that's a huge red flag. You need to develop your own internal checklist, and it needs to be based in reality.
But when it's based in reality, and you start stepping forward, you get in shape, you get your finances going, you get your career on path, you've got good friends, you're able to approach women and just anybody in public because you have that natural confidence. When you start to do that, you're writing your own checklist inside for the qualities that really matter to you.
The qualities that other people have will just become a lot quieter. You won't care about them as much because you're busy actually building your own checklist of what's important to you. And I can tell you, when it comes to an in-person interaction, when you're a guy that shows up hoping you've checked off this woman's list that maybe she hasn't even shared with you, but you just assume she has it because she's attractive, you're showing up in a very insecure place. You're asking her whether or not you're living up to what she wants.
Live up to what you want. Stop trying to be this dream man, this man of her dreams. Start trying to be the man of your own dreams. When you show up and you're meeting a woman, and you show up that way, she might even forget about this list that she had in her mind because she's now meeting with a real flesh-and-blood man who's actually doing things.
And that will, on an instinctive level, connect with her differently than these thoughts and everything that she has about what a guy has to have. So yeah, don't be intimidated by all the lists that women have. Listen to them. They've got little grains of truth in them, but find your own list, bring that to the table. The more that develops, the bigger that gets, the more that voice develops inside of you, the smaller all those other voices are gonna get, and you just won't have to worry about it.